Metamorphosis, The Transformation

Today, unlike many other Sundays, I decide to stay home.
No english breakfast, no sightseeing, no travelling, no shopping.
Decided to sleep in since I haven't done that in a long long time.
For the past month or so, I haven't woken up past 12.
And today, for the first time, I woke up at 12.30!
I almost forgot how good it felt just to sleep in.

And since today is Malaysia's 51st year of independence,
Selamat Hari Merdeka!

Honestly, I'm not a very patriotic person at heart.
I guess I'd say, if they did better, I would have no qualms declaring myself a Malaysian.
But all these years, any good that's come out of the country has been overshadowed by the crime rates, political uproars, corruption and what-not.
I am not particularly proud of the snatch theft cases, the heartless rape-and-murder cases.
Have these people not any sense nor fear?
I would place part of the blame on the government.
What have they done so far to protect the people?
They may have come up with certain security measures (I'm not sure what, I don't keep track), but nothing so far good enough to combat the crime rates.
How about heavier penalties and jail-terms?
No, "cannot". They have to protect their "own" people.

The education system?
Just how screwed up could they get?
Imagine us secondary school students hating Moral education.
Why, you ask?
First, what good values do they impart into us?
Zero.
All I've achieved from the subject is knowing the fact that I could actually memorize things word for word.
That's because the stupid subject was about none other than memorizing words and their definitions.
You get the values or definitions wrong, no marks will be awarded.
How stupid could moral education get?
I, for one, did not gain anything from that subject at all.
The school did a better job at educating us and imparting more good values than the subject ever did.
I'm not sure if the subject is still taught like this in schools, but I certainly hope not.
No one would benefit from such a subject, especially not the future generations.
Moral education should not be examined.
Why should it be, when it's supposed to tap on the values deep in the core of the hearts of people?
How absurd.

Yes, you see, am I to be blamed for not being a proud "Malaysian"?

Another question that plagues me day after day is how easily people are awarded titles in my country.
An actress, who makes it to Hollywood, and becomes a spokeswoman for the country in their "Cuti-cuti Malaysia ads, gets awarded a title.
A singer, who makes it big in the local industry, gets awarded a title.
A sportswoman (I'd say she's the most deserving one), who's done the country proud by winning certain international championships, gets awarded the title.
Then, comes the sportsman, the only medallist Malaysia could flaunt during the 2008 Olympics, becomes a Datuk.

I mean...doesn't it take more than that to get a title?
Wouldn't that make 10% of the population "well-respected figures"?

It's the corruption which I'm most ashamed of.
Not long ago, we were driving to Singapore to see grandma and dad's side of the family.
The speed-limit was 110, and we went slightly above without the cruise control, maybe 113.
There they were, the policemen, waiting to pry on unsuspecting victims.
Wound down the window, and there he was, demanding a bribe so that we could be let off easily.
Of course, Moral education did not teach us not to succumb to bribery, so we paid him the RM100 and went off.

Then there comes the political figures who get one another into trouble, as though they were in high school.
One scandal after another.
That is way too much for me!

And democracy?
We have none!
If this entry was published in a popular website like www.kennysia.com, I'd be sure Kenny Sia's blog would be closed down almost immediately.
Or they'd ask him to take the entry off, and pretend like he never said anything "stupid".

So, tell me, am I actually supposed to be proud of Malaysia?
Would anybody disagree with me under these circumstances?

One thing I do love about my country though, is the food.
And the fact that it's my birthplace.
And the fact that my parents live there, and half of my relatives are there too.
And that the malls open till late at night every single day.
And that everything is just way cheaper there.

Well, have a good 31st of August everyone!

Good news #1:
It's all confirmed now.
I'm going back to celebrate Chinese New Year!!! Woohooo!

I wasn't supposed to go back 'cos I failed and have to redo the subject during summer but mum was like..."ah, don't bother, just come back and spend the cny with family!"
And so, I'll be skipping 10 days of classes. ZOMG!

Haha...I know I know, she spoils me sometimes!
I feel bad 'cos it's another 4k plus gone just like that, plus I'm already going back in April, but...if it makes mum happy, I'm all for it!
Ok, fine...yes I'm happy too! Infact, I'm overjoyed!
Can't wait for January 22nd and I'll get to see dad and mum again!

Good news #2:
Mum's coming over for my 21st birthday!!!
See...she really really is super awesome alright!
Too bad daddy can't come. Work commitments eh =(
Goshhh I soooo can't wait!

I must say...I'm a lucky lucky child.

Sometimes I wonder whether I deserve my parents' unconditional love.
Since I've never actually done much to make them proud.
Academic wise, yes, before I entered uni.
But now that I'm in uni, I've failed twice! How ironic, I know!
And other than that, I've never actually completed anything that I've learnt.
Piano, I quit right before my Grade 8 exam.
Art class, I gave up after having drawn one hamburger too many.
Chinese classes, I felt the complicated strokes were too much for me.
Dance classes, I quit because I felt stupid following the choreography.
Singing classes, only had time for 8 lessons.
Swimming lessons, I stopped just when I got quite good at it.
Tennis, I was forced to quit because I couldn't be under the sun too long.
Gym, I signed up and only went eight times in a year. And out of the eight times, I probably only stayed more than an hour, twice!
Wow...listing everything here surely does make me sound like a first class sore loser.

Oh, the only thing I ever actually completed was school, college (fine, everyone else did the same too!) and Taekwondo.
Even Taekwondo wasn't a complete completion.
But I'd say black belt was a tough enough feat. Don't matter that I stopped at 1st Dan. Heh!
Watching the Olympics never fail to make me feel like lousy.
Especially when I see swimmers breaking records like smashing guitars.
How come they're so good at what they do???

This is why, I say, I NEED TO FIND MY NICHE!
What am I good at?
Errr...nothing?

But I like this quote I found in the Dove chocolate message the other day.
"Everybody has a gift. Some just open it sooner"
I hope I haven't opened my gift! I don't wanna miss it when it comes!
I think I could get quite good at baking, but it's not very hard, is it?
Everybody just follows the same recipe and it comes out great!

Was walking to class this morning, reflecting on life.
Then something came up.
This phrase, which I think is so suitable for me.

"Life is just like a game of poker. Sometimes you get dealt with good cards, sometimes you get dealt with bad cards. But even with good cards, it doesn't guarantee you a win in that round. Because, life gets unpredictable, just like the game. Sometimes just by playing it right, you could win. But sometimes, with a stroke of luck, the result actually comes out in favour of the person with the bad cards. Yet, in order to win, the person with the bad cards would have to play on to see the result and not simply fold before the flop".

Same goes here. Yes, I've been dealt with a bad hand lately. But if only I'd just persevere, maybe I could win this game? =) And so, I'm gonna try and make the best out of my lousy cards.

And I have a feeling it's all gonna be great now! What with two great news in one day!

A while ago, mum sent me this e-mail. It must have been one of the best forwarded e-mails I've ever received. Yes, for a few days, I lived by the positive mantra. And slowly, it just slipped off my mind. But it's time to be reminded of it again. And since sharing is caring, a short excerpt from the e-mail. Some phrases to live by.

You choose how you react to situations.
You choose how people will affect your mood.
You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood.
It's your choice how you live your life.
I always choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be victim or I can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I always choose the positive side of life.

I gotta stick to that and learn to live positively, think positively, and act positively.

Life is way too short to just let the hours drift pass. Make the most of it!

My biggest dream for now, still is, and has always been...to meet my all-time hero, Ian Thorpe! I think that'd make me the happiest girl on earth. But lately, I've been watching Youtube clips of him and erm...I find him rather...gentle (dunno how else to put it). Quite disappointed, but still...I am a huuuuugeeeee fan!

Please pardon that emo post below. It's all good now.

Goodnight world.

I don't know if it's just me.
Or maybe you feel it too?
But I feel a certain emptiness, like there's nothing left in this room.
Before, it was filled with colourful cushions, carpets and curtains.
And now all that's left is air.
The room is empty and all I see is the parquet floor, staring right back at me.
I call out, and emptiness greets me.
A certain echo acts like a boomerang.
I shout, yet I hear only myself.
What is this feeling I feel deep within me?

It used to be colourful, our world.
Yet now, it's all black and white and grey.
We used to talk for hours on end.
Yet now, minutes seem like hours.
Your words stab me.
My words, I use as my shield to counter.

I don't know if things are good, or if they will ever be good again.
But, all the same, let's not give up.
Give it another try.
If all else fails, we know at least that we've tried.
I know, at least that I've given it my all.

Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's you, but let's not point fingers.
Let's absorb the pain and the blame.
For nothing in this world could compare to the hurt.
The hurt I feel when you say those words.

Just got back from a very very fulfilling suffer and I'm feeling at the top of the world.

This is for you, my dear, on your 21st birthday.

Met you a long time ago.

Fine, maybe 2.5 years isn't a long time.

First week of uni, I remember how shy we were.

How we were so very careful when we spoke, just because we were merely acquaintances.

Not friends as we are now.

 

2.5 years on, here we are, as close as we could possibly be.

I must say I never expected the once upon a time "shy" person could be as outspoken as you are now.

Well, don't they always say that we should never judge a book by its cover?

You claim to be introvert, but I must say...you're not!

Well, at least I think you're friendly and make people around you relaxed and at ease when talking to you.

I know that's how you make me feel!

 

Thanks for being an awesome friend.

Thanks for knowing me inside out.

Thanks for occasionally inviting me over for dinner and the awesome food that comes with that!

Thanks for keeping me company all those times when I needed someone.

Thanks for being you sweetie!

 

And I know there's much more to come for our friendship.

First thing to note is the very much talked about Kajang trip which never seems to eventuate.

A fault on my part I must say.

But I promise you, I will make it happen!

I will definitely pay you a visit and taste the famous satay there!

 

I love you, and thanks for being YOU!

Hope you had a great day out with Sarah and I today.

Hope we made your birthday one that you would always remember.

And remember that we all love you!

Everybody loves you! Who doesn't?

Happy 21st birthday, Miss Ei-Leen Kwan!

ZOMG.

Just got back from the holiday at Falls Creek.