If you know me well, you'd know that I get major jitters when exams are nearing.
I could never handle the stress well.
I cry, I lose weight, I don't eat, I won't sleep.
The people around me: my parents, my bf, aunties/uncles, cousins - will all be worried about me.
During SPM, I fainted after my Chemistry paper 2.
Did not sleep the whole night cramming information into my little brains.
Worrying that I wouldn't get the A1 that I'd so shyly aimed for.
Worried that I had not studied enough.
I remember it very vividly.
I was doing the Paper 2 (the paper with the heaviest weightage out of three papers) and it was due to end at 12.30pm.
At about 11.55 am, I was shivering badly and cold sweat was running all over my body.
My hands were attacked by severe numbness and pins & needles.
I could not see that clearly anymore.
My brains were failing me, slowly shutting down.
In one last attempt, I scribbled what little of answers onto the remaining questions.
I remember answering Part C in a hurry.
Scribbled all my answers in point form, only focusing on the main points.
Did not bother structuring the sentences.
Did not bother proof reading my answers.
All I cared about was finishing the paper and getting some shut eye.
Finished the paper at 12.05pm, at which I got permission to leave the exam hall.
The invigilator, obviously concerned about my pale face, brought me out.
As you know, I always carry emergency medication around.
Good thing I had some panadol in my bag.
Popped one in, and was immediately unsteady.
Invigilator walked me back to my seat and told me to rest there while she seeked help.
No paramedics whatsoever in school.
So I slept all through the last minutes of the paper.
At 12.35pm, after the invigilators collected the papers, we were asked to leave the hall.
The kind invigilator was walking towards me.
Embarrassed about the attention, I stood up, and tried to walk out of the hall myself.
Did not want my friends to think that I was attention-seeking.
Wrong move.
I collapsed down right in the middle of the exam hall.
Good thing most of the students had already left the exam hall and I was one of the last ones left.
I could not remember what happened next.
But all I did remember was when I awoke, I was sitting down in the cafeteria, all my good friends around me.
Ivy's mum was there too (think she brought us lunch that day).
And within minutes, mummy arrived, in tears.
She was shivering and so super worried about me.
Mum wanted to send me to the hospital, and did not care about me screwing SPM.
But I could not bear not doing my Paper 3 which was about to start soon.
After all my hard work, I could not bear not knowing how I'd do.
I could not disappoint my parents and teachers.
So, still pale-faced, I took the walk, with the help of my dear friends, back to the exam hall.
Did the paper.
Immediately after it, headed home to sleep.
Biology paper was the next day.
Did not study much for it because it was too much to take.
And so, ended up with a rather disappointing A2 for Chemistry.
Not that I'm kiasu or what not, but Chemistry was my best Science subject!
Parents did not even give me a hard time about it.
They said A2 is still an A.
No pressure, nothing.
They've never placed any pressure on me academically before.
Which makes me a very lucky and blessed child.
They have low expectations, and even in uni, as long as I get credits for my subjects, that calls for a celebration.
Even that one time that I failed for my ATA.
I was the one begging them to punish me.
Why why why were they being so nice?
Especially my mum.
I cried like the world was ending.
And there she was, comforting me.
Some other mothers would have blamed their children, but not mine.
Instead, she treated me to manicure and pedicure, took me shopping and for a nice lunch.
All in her effort to get my mind off things.
She showed me that the world does not end with just one failure.
She showed me that they'd still love me unconditionally.
She made me see that there was more to life than exams.
She even made calls to all the uncles and aunties that I looked up to, and told them to encourage me to think positively.
All I needed was some encouragement, and she gave me just that.
She did not tell me to hide my failure, and instead to embrace it.
She was not embarrassed about my failure, and instead, she took it in stride.
She did not complain about the extra RM10k they had to spend on me to redo the subject.
And true enough, my life did not just end there, as I had thought earlier.
All because of that failure, I was even more pressured for my next exams.
Due to that, I lost 6 kgs and was severely underweight after the exams.
I remember that was at the "Beautiful Woman" event last year.
My clothes were all too loose, bones were jutting out, and I looked like a nutcase.
Good thing, exams were over and the boyfriend managed to stuff me up with food.
And so...the long dreary dramatic narration aside, the point is this.
Mummy bought me these traditional pills called "Stresgon".
It is believed to take away stress and calm our nerves and remove fatigue.
I'm not sure if it really worked or if it was some psychological thing.
But last year's Sem 2 exams, I lost all signs of stress!
No more crying, no more weight loss, no nothing.
So it worked!
It's also because I've turned to God and asked Him for guidance to lead me out of negative thinking.
He showed me the way.
And here I am, talking about everything like they're so over now!
Ok, this is a rather random post.
Signs of procrastination.
Too much studying in the past week.
I'm tired now.
Exams start in 9 days!
And so far, I'm still remaining positive about everything.
No thoughts of failing anymore.
No more worries.
I'll just do my part as a student.
Study hard.
And then make my parents proud!
Love you all! All the best in exams everyone!
